What is Feminine Energy?
If you identify as a woman, Feminine Energy is your divine, authentic source of power. When tapped into your feminine energy, you may feel or exhibit the following emotions and behaviors: receptive, creative, collaborative, playful, compassionate, intuitive, passionate, fair, spontaneous, patient, agreeable, supportive, enthusiastic, and/or tactful.
Every person, regardless of gender, has both feminine and masculine energies within them. The feminine energy part of each person is the part that is able to identify and handle any emotion that comes up. And while actions like wearing pastels and ruffles, maintaining your manicure, and taking a Goddess bath with rose petals and candles can help you relax and access your feminine energy, these are just extensions and expressions of feminine energy and not the whole story.
Feminine energy is that aspect of every person that is able to access, feel, and hold any emotion, even the ones that much of western culture would label as “negative” or undesirable.
When a person has their focus inward, on their own thoughts, feelings, and how and where those feelings manifest in the body, that person is tapped into their feminine energy. It’s surrendered and allowing.
On the contrary, when a person has their focus outward, and toward someone else, they are in masculine energy. A mother completely focused on the needs of her child is actually utilizing a form of masculine energy or outward attention.
It’s normal for people of all genders to flow back and forth between masculine and feminine energy throughout the course of a day. That’s a normal dynamic in human interaction and interpersonal communication.
Women more often tend to be in feminine energy, and men are more often in masculine energy. Some of this is nature (especially the positive or resourceful aspects) and a lot of it is nurture. Many of the negative or “toxic” aspects are really just cultural expectations that have their roots in eons of patriarchal conditioning.
The Patriarchy’s Version of Femininity Actually Hinders Tapping into Your Feminine Energy
This post is not a full dissertation on the patriarchy, but for eons, the patriarchy, as a cultural force, has been gaslighting and mansplaining people.
It has denied the wisdom of the body, poo-poohed the emotions, destroyed the forests because “evil” lurks there, and told us that having desire is “sinful.”
It’s hard to grow up as a woman on this planet and not get an unhealthy dose of being told to look pretty on the surface, all while discounting and judging the needs of your body and the guidance from your emotions. It’s really just like telling us to be seen and not heard (meaning, don’t listen to your body or heart).
And so we must understand that tapping into our feminine energy is all for naught if we just do surface-level things.
Feminine Energy Is Not “Weak”
There is a pretty significant misunderstanding prevalent on the subject of feminine energy, and that is that it is all about “leaning back” or passivity all the time. It is the basic law of physics that opposites attract, so yes, if you have been chasing a person or thing and not getting it, leaning back and creating a vacuum that person or thing can fill is a wise way to at least hit reset on the energetic dynamic.
The worst part about this misunderstanding is that it discounts what empowered feminine energy really is about at its core: it is the capacity to fully identify and hold any emotion, including the ones people try to shoo away because they’re “negative.” And then yes, your action then may be to lean back, surrender, or wait, or it may be to do something. But your vibe is always on even if you don’t say a word.
Tapping into your feminine energy is not just purely performative femininity
Feminine energy may include, but is not limited to what comes under the umbrella of the “performative femininity.”
To explain this distinction, I’ll ask you a weird question: What if goddesses aren’t really all that feminine? At least not the femininity that you might see packaged along with a lot of talk about “goddess vibes.” Think about all the goddesses you know from mythology, and you’ll see a lot of behaviors that might fit better in the classic Winona Rider movie Heathers instead of a fairytale. Like revenge, waging war, marrying the lord of the underworld, reattaching your dead husband’s you-know-what and magically bringing him back to life, stuff like that.
Performative femininity is pressure, either external or internal, to conform to the gender stereotype of a super girly woman whose manicure is always perfect, who never laughs too loudly, who gets into the right sorority, who is neither too slutty nor too prudish, whose children are well-behaved, whose body still looks great after having them, and who stays married to their father.
Depending on where you are and what your style is, there might be additional criteria for what is “feminine” or “pretty enough.”
Take the northwest where I live, where many of us, myself included, are pretty outdoorsy. Even in ski movies, the women often wear their hair long and sticking out from under their helmets. As a skier, I know that is extremely impractical in real life. I am always fighting my hair and it looks like shit after a day of skiing. C’est la vie! I also wonder why in the tropics, men surf in board shorts and not in cheeky bottoms like what’s sold to women. I mean, the men could surf with their butt cheeks on display as well. Why not? Performative femininity is alive and well even in those settings where women are supposedly displaying power.
When you see it in real life or depicted in the media, and looking at it or hearing about it triggers a sudden feeling of inadequacy in you, that somehow “she’s prettier,” or that you aren’t pretty enough, either on the surface or especially in some vague intangible personality-level way, guess what. You have brushed up against performative femininity.
In summary, there is nothing wrong with taking some of these actions if they help you tap into your feminine energy, but it is really just icing on the cake.
The real work is emotional and bodily awareness.
You absolutely can tap into your feminine energy at work.
One of the lamest pieces of advice out there is to “be like a man at work and be like a lady at home” because we are all “men” at work. This advice may be well-intentioned, but is inherently misogynistic. Why? It presupposes that masculine energy (and therefore, probably also being a man) is the only way to create results and meet goals. It simply is not true.
Many industry cultures, law included, are still piping misogyny in the air when that is the implicit assumption. Working harder instead of smarter, competition where collaboration would get the job done better, and yelling (either verbally, or through a snotty tone in written communications) are all examples of negative manifestations of masculine energy. And mansplaining and manterruptions — these speak for themselves.
Work feels like a struggle when you are not tapped into your feminine energy because “struggle” is a toxic hustle vibe, often coming from some thought or belief that has the word “should” in there.
Struggle is not healthy masculine energy. Not only are many workplaces operating out of too much masculine energy, it’s not the emotionally mature kind. It’s pretty dysfunctional.
This is not to be confused with allowing the emotion of discomfort in order to take action: yes, “we can do hard things.”
As discussed above, feminine energy is not passivity all the time. Some women learn about feminine energy and then stop speaking up at work, or try to wrap everything they do in softness. (Look, this isn’t the set of Mad Men.) And not only is that pretty annoying for the people around them, it’s hard for anyone to keep it up forever.
Many professional women, especially those in historically male-dominated fields, try really hard to “lean back.” They try hard to be “softer,” less intimidating, less forward.
But the more they overthink it and try hard, the more anxious they become. And from the vibe of anxiety, no action they take will create the result they’re really hoping for.
Tapping into your feminine energy will give you the ability to work through your anxiety instead of trying to out-hustle it.
This is why feminine energy is actually great for taking action, because it is your feminine energy that can handle the strong and sometimes uncomfortable emotions that you feel. Embracing discomfort is often required in order to take inspired action toward any desire or goal.
For many women, shifting gears from participating in the toxic hustle vibe all day to being able to be intuitive, open, creative, receptive, and able to identify and hold one’s emotions — all benefits of tapping into one’s feminine energy — is difficult.
That’s why for professional women who want to be the feminine energy person in their romantic relationship, tapping into their feminine energy in all aspects of their lives is going to make it a lot easier, and a lot more genuine.
Furthermore, it’s important to relax into your feminine energy authentically, and not treat it as just as a checklist of “softer” behaviors you slip into when you get home from the office.
Being the feminine energy in your romantic relationship is not just a list of do’s and don’ts
Tap into your feminine energy all day long. It’s not like a switch that you turn on when you get home and off when you log onto work the next morning. Think of it more like a natural spring, always flowing.
If you want to be the feminine energy in your romantic relationship, it isn’t just a list of behaviors, like some cookbook recipe about what to say in a text.
Phase one of living in your feminine energy is being able to relax into self-acceptance and drop the struggle when you’re not at work. Phase two is when you learn how to drop the struggle everywhere and tap into your feminine energy all the time simply because it is the natural and authentic state of your being.
Emotional awareness is the entry point.
Therefore, not only is it safe to be in your feminine energy at work if you are wanting to make it easier to transition into your life away from the office, it’s a plus. Feminine energy is every bit as powerful as masculine energy when it comes to getting things done. Because you are leveraging your emotions, intuition and creativity, you can often create more results with less effort.
Yes, for the professional woman who discovers that she has years of the education system and industry culture indoctrinating her to set aside the greatest source of her power — her feminine energy — it can take some practice to tap back into her authentic center. But it is SO worth it.
What You Can Do to Tap Into Your Feminine Energy
Go ahead, and do all the external things that help you feel more pretty, sassy, sexy, and feminine. But don’t stop there.
Feminine energy is not just a list of stuff to do and buy.
The deeper work that will actually give you a visceral energetic shift — that changes the way you show up, and transforms how others respond to you — is on the level of your core beliefs, your emotional awareness, and in your choices about where you focus your time and energy.
And the way you do that can be things like this:
- Spend 45 minutes walking and observing nature, without caring about how many calories you burned.
- Stop to smell a flower, and look at it close up, studying it intently. Flowers are the sex organs of plants, and they put them on display. What does this mean for you? Consider working with a flower essence practitioner (like me) to help you select flower essences to restore your spiritual connection to yourself and the natural world.
- If you catch yourself feeling pressured, anxious, competitive, jealous or upset, stop what you are doing and set a timer on your phone for 90 seconds. During that 90 seconds, simply observe the way your emotions feel inside your body.
- Begin a meditation practice, or shift your current meditation practice, to one where you are not trying to blank out your mind, but rather, you are visualizing yourself as an animal or a favorite Goddess from mythology. Such meditations work on the level of symbolism to which the subconscious mind is quite responsive. There are lots of great options on Youtube and Spotify if you want a guided track.
In summary, the great news is that you can tap into your feminine energy right now, and the more you do, the more you will see the shifts in your life.
Want to go apply what you learn here to your life? You can get my help personally in the Power Bootcamp class that starts mid-January 2022. Click the link to sign up!
I have also included a couple of recent podcast episodes below to help you tap into your feminine energy. Enjoy!
Listen to the Full Episode, “Are You a Feminine Energy Lawyer?”:
Listen to the Full Episode, “How to Reclaim Your Feminine Energy (Even if You Don’t Have Time)”:
Resources for You:
- Want to un-learn generations of patriarchal conditioning so you can be more decisive and get what you want? Enroll in the Power Bootcamp. It goes way beyond what you learn on the podcast and blog.