Overworked, overwhelmed, and feeling like you have to do it all? Then you need to reclaim your Feminine Energy to get your life back into balance, so that you are receiving at least as much as you are giving to others.
Given the demands of your work and life, developing intangible positive qualities like Feminine Energy might be something that tends to get pushed to the bottom of your to-do list. That’s totally understandable when it seems like you have to be “on” all the time! (Been there….)
But when you understand how reclaiming your Feminine Energy is the game-changer to bring balance back into your life, you’ll want to make it a priority. You can make this powerful shift even if it currently seems like you don’t have time.
In this Episode, I share the four steps to reclaim your Feminine Energy so you no longer have to be the only one doing everything.
P.S. If things are really tough right now and you suspect you may have burnout, also check out Episode 9.
To celebrate the re-launch of the show, I’m going to be giving away a reMarkable tablet to 1 lucky listener who follows, rates, and reviews the show. I want your honest feedback so I can create an awesome show that provides tons of value. Click here to learn more about the contest and how to enter.
I’ll be announcing the winner on the show in an upcoming episode!
What You Will Discover:
- Why the inordinate career pressure you often feel has surprising roots in some very un-feminist Victorian notions of what a woman should be.
- Why you have permission to say, “I can’t,” and why it’s totally ok to ask for help.
- The importance of creating a circle of support, and first steps to doing so.
- How to change your vibe and receive.
- The specific things that actually work to change what you believe about yourself.
- The four steps to reclaim your Feminine Energy….even if you have a demanding job and your world looks nothing like the life of leisure depicted in social media!
Listen to the Full Episode:
Resources for You:
Full Episode Transcript:
I’m SaraEllen Hutchison and this is the Feminine Energy Feminist podcast, episode number one: How to Reclaim Your Feminine Energy (Even if You Don’t Have Time).
Welcome to Feminine Energy Feminist, a podcast for professional women who are ready to tap into their feminine energy, so they can be happier at work and in their personal lives. It’s time to redefine what a professional woman is in those historically male-dominated fields that don’t always embrace the needs and talents of women.
I’m your host, SaraEllen Hutchison. I’m a life coach and a practicing lawyer. I’ll help you learn how to embrace who you are as a woman; body, mind, and spirit, so you can be more powerful in your career and fulfilled in your life. So, if you’re ready not just to be a high-achiever, but get what your soul wants too, let’s proceed.
Ep 2: How to Reclaim Your Feminine Energy (Even if You Don’t Have Time)
Welcome back to the Feminine Energy Feminist, Episode 2. Today is all about the first radical shift covered in Episode 1, and the four steps to reclaim your feminine energy even if you think you don’t have time.
In Episode 1, we covered the two radical ideas that professional women need that nobody teaches you.
(1) embrace your feminine energy,
(2) develop radical self-awareness.
I explained why we women professionals struggle with these things and how you can begin to shift them in a more empowered direction. Today, we start the deeper exploration.
My vision for this redesigned podcast is for this to operate between now and the end of the year as a free class. But a fun class, like summer semester.
Occasionally I will reference episodes of the Inner Peace for Busy Lawyers, the predecessor of this podcast, if I recommend that you visit or revisit any earlier material.
Today I will go in depth on the first radical idea: feminine energy. Next week, we will go into the second groundbreaking idea, develop radical self awareness.
Ok, here we go. Feminine energy. It is not just an Instagram trend. It goes deeper than wearing a caftan and talking about your feelings. I will teach you today what embracing your feminine energy really looks like, even if you work in a high-stress environment around a bunch of dudes. And how even skeptical women can get a felt sense of it, and how to bring this down to earth and not have it just be a bunch of fairy dust and internet memes. It is something that can actually shift how you relate to your life and what you are able to receive from life.
It’s time to shatter some old, unhelpful myths about what an empowered woman is, and what she should be. It is time to debunk a lot of the “girl power” “women who hustle,” “boss lady” advice out there that is often really just repackaged Victorian stiffness about what a good girl is, and an excuse to put pressure on ourselves, and beat ourselves up for not meeting unattainable ideals.
It’s time to liberate you from putting yourself on a yardstick comparing yourself to others – the men, and the women. It’s time to realize that a lot of crap preached to us under the guise of empowering us — just fans the flames of our impostor syndrome.
And I will give you the steps to throw off this modern version of the whalebone corset.
First, to loosen this corset, you need to first realize you’re in one.
The woman who does too much is not optimally empowered. “I’ll do it” is invisible labor at work.
Victorian notions of having the perfect wife and clean house led women to do too much so it looked like they could afford housekeepers, and we still do it, at work too.
There are authors who encourage women to give up on personal goals, miss the ballet recital or soccer game, never skip lunch with colleagues, so that men in power don’t think we’re slackers or disinterested. THIS IS VICTORIAN BULLSHIT, FOLKS.
When we feel exhausted or unfulfilled after weeks, months or years of jumping through patriarchal hoops, we start distrusting the other women. We don’t have our circle. We can’t trust the others. We secretly are jealous or afraid of the women who seem to be handling it better than we are. We don’t know for sure if they are. But we imagine that they are and then we punish ourselves.
It’s time to reintroduce that four-letter word, CAN’T, into your vocabulary. It permits you to stop trying to do it all, and starts forcing you to look for resources outside your own willpower, waking hours, and skillset for you to accomplish your goals. You are looking for ACCOMPLICES for accomplishment. In other words, the most ancient form of interdependent coexistence, the circle, where people are self-led, don’t make asking for help mean that there is a weakness or a competition, and leverage the different resources and skillsets of each other. More about that later, but we have more corset-loosening to do.
You have got to understand that men are not afraid to ask for help. They do it all the time without calling it needing “help.” But they usually do it in the form of orders and directives, or complaining and disciplining after the fact if something isn’t done as they expected.
How convenient is that? The perfect example is the male lawyer who is usually able to stay late and be a top biller at his firm, while his wife chauffeurs the kids and irons his shirts. Nobody would judge him as weak or needy for how much help he needs behind the scenes in order to be a top performer, but why do we often feel like we are when we ask for help? My answer is that in most recent history, it stems from the Victorian era, where, as people moved away from farms and into cities, men started going into the city to work, leaving the women at home, along with the expectation to be helpful, demure and obedient.
The first year of Covid-19 and working at home was a great reckoning for all genders when it comes to how much we need more feminine energy and more of a “circle,” contrary to the way most industries and workplaces are modeled. King Arthur had the knights of the round table, it isn’t like this is some newfangled hipster thing.
An excellent in-depth discussion about how to ask for the help you need at work and at home is in Kasia Urbaniak’s excellent book, Unbound, a woman’s guide to power. I highly recommend it if you have time outside the exercises I will give you now.
To begin to free yourself from the corset of doing too much, get out your journal. (1) Take an audit of your life. What are all the things you spend too much time doing that you don’t want to do, that don’t generate income or feed your spirit? What are all the things you spend too much time wasting time on because you’re avoiding stuff that NEEDS to get done because you’re overwhelmed? There are several earlier episodes of Inner Peace for Busy Lawyers that get more into the weeds about how to manage your time better, but today we are looking at the overview. How are you spending the precious currency of your life? It’s totally up to you, by the way. I once heard that if you want to make seven figures you should send out your laundry. Well, maybe I’m a little bit OCD, but that ended up costing me more time because I had to drive back and forth to the laundry place and then re-fold it when I didn’t like how it was folded. C’est la vie. Whether it is the laundry, the cooking, the research, the yardwork, the proofreading, the phone calls, booking your rental car or whatever, take a hard look at things that you might delegate. (2) Second question. If you didn’t make it mean you were weak or needy by asking someone else to do it, how would you ask? (3) What wonderful things would you do with the free time and headspace you have created? (4) Imagine what your life would be like if you looked out for the other women in your office, and over time they looked out for you? Now is not the time to dwell on why you may not feel supported. We will talk about that in a future episode. Right now, I just want you to try it on for size that your entire life can be more of a circle and less of a spartan mud race with all the ladders and crap.
Now that we have loosened the corset of “doing too much” and have you beginning to see how you can delegate and ask from a position of strength, we must address the energetic piece. If you try all this out as a new technique, like it is the quest for your signature lipstick or whatever, but continue to do so from a place of striving, proving, competing and anxiety, you’ll give up on it. Which I don’t want you to do. You need the energetics.
So now for the energetics.
FIRST, we are going to understand what feminine energy really is. And it is not all rose and rom coms. SECOND, we need a mental framework for how to harness it to our advantage.
First, what it is.
Myth: giving is feminine. Truth: receiving is feminine. We all know the cliché about the woman who chases men and overwhelms them with text messages and gifts and people-pleasing. That’s about as attractive as Pepe Le Pew, the cartoon skunk character.
Another way to look at these energies is to take the gender out of it. It’s really yin and yang, receiving or giving, introspective or outwardly focused, responding or reacting, magnetizing or pursuing.
And humans get out of balance, regardless of gender, when they operate too much in one or the other. Generally in our society, most PEOPLE are too much in their masculine energy. Pushing, competing, making things happen, focused outward.
Early feminism was a double-edged sword for us. While it did so many things we needed, the problem was that in all its efforts to prove that women are not weak, Deeply-ingrained associations of feminine = weak, childish, “less than,” and masculine = strong is unfortunately embedded in many aspects of culture and society. …from when nearly all the leaders in all fields and institutions were white men. Now the assumptions are hard to shed.
We thank our foremothers who fought for our right to own property, vote, get an education, and work as lawyers and doctors and such.
Over generations, that fighting spirit has done much good, but hasn’t healed the false assumption about the feminine.
So we get the message, “I have to ACT masculine in order to survive.” The world and many of our professions still reward masculine behavior and punish so-called “weak” feminine qualities.
Women who want to succeed in traditionally male careers, consciously or not, often play up the masculine qualities of competition and aggression — and suppress, ignore, numb and judge their feminine qualities
This is forced, inauthentic, and requires tremendous energy to maintain.
Over time, the woman lawyer becomes habituated to constantly censoring her very essence, automatically and unconsciously. We get impostor syndrome and constantly look inward, thinking we are not enough.
Wounded feminine energy: Looks like bitchiness, manipulation, indecision, helplessness, nagging, overanalyzing, or being a doormat. All of these mask a truer feeling we’re avoiding.
They stem from an underlying sense that who we are is not enough for us to receive what we want.
Empowered feminine energy Looks like tactfulness, flow, clarity, creativity, calm and honesty. It is being self-led, no longer needing to compete like little boys having a fistfight on the playground, and being able to build one’s circle of interdependent power around oneself.
Being “receptive” does not mean that we are passively waiting for the world to give something to us, or that we manipulate others until we get it.
The Feminine is receptive, and knows she already is and has everything she wants. Now we are going to get a bit woo here, but you’re totally ready. The truth of the Universe is expansion. The feminine, as the creative and life-creating energy, creates by receiving from her best self and divine intelligence.
The emotionally mature woman knows that the act of receiving is also an act of creation. She creates the feeling of having what she wants first.
FEMININE ENERGY IS STRONG. And extremely powerful. We know this intellectually, but still feel like we’re not “enough” until we take the counterintuitive step of reconnecting with our emotions, which we will teach you how to do in the next episode and beyond.
SECOND, how do we have a mental framework for something that is inherently intangible?
As you may or may not know, I am a life coach certified by the Life Coach School, and one of the main tools I use with my coaching clients is something called the Model, created by Life Coach School founder Brooke Castillo. In a nutshell, Circumstances are neutral, but we have thoughts about them because we’re human. Thoughts create feelings. Our emotions come from what we are thinking about our circumstnaces. Our emotions drive our actions and inaction. And it is what we do or don’t do that creates our results.
It is similar to the concept of causation in the law.
You’ll hear a lot of coaches and mentors and influencers talk about “vibes” and “energy” like we are all supposed to know what the F that is. It’s a lot easier for logical types to grasp with a mental framework. The model is great for that. Everything can go in the model, it’s universal, like gravity. Vibes too.
The body has an energy field that can be felt and measured by others. The human heart has an energy field. The human heart and gut have neurons, just like the ones in our brains. Want to learn more about this? I recommend anything by Gregg Braden, and will put a link in the show notes.
So how do we influence our vibe? Well, our thoughts, duh. Our beliefs about ourselves. What we think, feel, and then project in our body language, even in the most subtle ways, all together, this becomes our vibe. A yawn is contagious, so is a smile. Subtle changes in our heart rate based on our thinking and feeling is why lie detector tests work. And other humans can pick up on it without machines. We have certain neurons called mirror neurons that cause us to mirror or mimic what we observe in another.
The Model can be both descriptive and prescriptive. We can use it to see why we are vibing a certain way and what that’s doing for us. We can also use it to shift our vibe to a desired vibe.
So if you are a woman who is doing too much, chasing people down, nagging them, going “well I’ll just do it” in an exasperated voice or a fake smile, and then apologizing when you try to confront someone because you get flummoxed, or worry all night about what someone really meant when he critiqued your work, this is all a toxic hustle vibe or a good little student vibe and this is why the result is that you are overworked, don’t have time, and scroll on Instagram wishing YOU could be one of those bitches in the caftan who wakes up at noon in Costa Rica and maybe if she has energy places a call to her trust fund manager after yoga. rinse repeat.
When you use your journal to take a good hard look at what your beliefs are that drive you to feel like you need to over-labor for other people and under-care for yourself, or why your time is completely out of whack with your desires or values, you will start to see what beliefs you have cause you to feel the ways that drive these behaviors. And you will be able to reverse-engineer a better life.
But that isn’t where it stops. As you see a picture emerge of a better model, a better vibe, and more truly empowering beliefs, you have to do things to actually change what you believe.
A lot of progress can be made just in the journal but I think it’s too slow to just do that. These other things can get you there. (1) Take what you have gleaned from your journaling practice, and use that to inform what you do in meditation. I teach a more active version of meditation where you actually do shift your vibe and beliefs through specific visualizations. You can get as “out there” with this as you want. I do not think everything needs a logical explanation to fit into the model and be of use. Carl Jung and the collective unconscious will be addressed in a future episode, but for now, you don’t need to see it to believe it. You just need to believe new things for your life to change. I think the Meditation methods where you try to clear your mind of all those bad nasty thoughts are too patriarchal. And I also think thoughts, even the pesky negative ones, are wonderful things, which I will talk about next week. (2) energetic support. This can come in the form of somatic release work, Reiki, craniosacral, flower essences or other vibrational remedies – all of these bypass the conscious mind and help make your energy able to support the shiny new beliefs you are working in earnest to cultivate. (3) being coached and mentored by someone with both the cognitive coaching tools like the Model, and the intuitive spiritual tools of 25 years of spiritual study and training. A coach, just like in sports, dance, or music, can help you see what you can’t see, and make progress faster. An intuitive coach can cut right through the Gordian knot. Sometimes one conversation can shift everything and help you quantum leap. And this is excellent for a busy woman like you with a lot on her plate already.
So in summary, you can reclaim your feminine energy even if you don’t (think) you have time.
1. You have to first recognize that a lot of your overwork and drive that feels so exhausting is like a suffocating Victorian corset, and loosening it is a matter of realizing you’ve been wearing it.
2. TWO, can’t is not a four-letter word. Open up to the idea that you can build a circle around yourself and other people can pick up the slack without you looking weak.
3. Three, shift your vibe by cultivating new beliefs, and give yourself a real chance at having these new beliefs really take hold in your psyche by making sure you are journaling, meditating, and supplementing with energetic support.
4. Get coaching.
To celebrate the launch of the new, improved podcast, I’m going to giving away something really cool, something that I love. And that is a reMarkable Tablet. Have you heard of these? They’re the ones that look and feel like paper.
I love mine. I have no relationship with the company. I don’t get anything by saying that I love my reMarkable, but I do. And so, I’m going to raffle off just one of these to one lucky listener who follows, rates, and reviews the show.
It doesn’t have to be a five-star review, although I hope that you love the show. I do want your honest feedback, so I can create an awesome show that provides a ton of value.
Visit lawyergoddess.com/raffle to learn more about the raffle and how to enter. I’ll be announcing the winner on the show in an upcoming episode.
I am thrilled that you are here. You are already amazing. You’ve already come so far. You already know more and are more powerful than you sometimes give yourself credit for. And now, you’ll have the insight and the tools to create what has eluded you. Have a beautiful rest of your week.
Thanks for listening to Feminine Energy Feminist. If you want more information or the resources from the podcast, visit lawyergoddess.com/podcast. See you next week.
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